Divorce Goals: Reaching the “Shredding” Phase

Shredding and divorce, you ask? Yes, I mean shredding. Let me explain.

It’s been several years since my ex-husband left our family home and our divorce. I am in a good place. A happy place.

I finally decided to tackle some paperwork and filing I had been putting off for years. There were boxes of old bills, bank statements, etc., well past the general rule of record retention, so I decided to invest in a shredder and safely get rid of some of that paperwork.

And so it began, years and years of documents through the shredder, many of which were shared statements and bills with my ex-husband. Boy, it felt amazing, shredding into tiny pieces my unhappy past in a dysfunctional marriage. I looked at the details of these documents – what we spent, where we went, and how we lived our lives. Instead of feeling sad or at a loss, I unexpectedly became contemplative and reflective, and it felt so satisfying. My shredding project transformed into a shredding party. As each of these old documents went through the shredder, I realized that I am finally living my best life – the way I want to, with the values and lifestyle that suit me, not our failed marriage.

There was a time when I couldn’t even fathom getting to this place. I look back on that rough time -- my marriage was over, and my children were struggling. My high-conflict divorce felt like a trench war that would never end. Seeing that dim light at the end of a dark tunnel was difficult. Family and friends told me to keep fighting and that it would improve, so I continued clawing through.

That difficult experience led me to where I am today. As founder and personal divorce coach at Your Divorce Pro, I help my clients see that light, despite how dim it may be. Whether contemplating divorce, beginning the divorce process, or deep in the trenches, it’s one of the most challenging life experiences. But putting the work in by advocating for yourself and your children and breaking dysfunctional patterns established in the marriage will make all the difference for an optimal life post-divorce. I call that divorce empowerment.

I think it’s often hard to comprehend and see life’s progress. First, you must heal and gain some distance to face your past firsthand. My shredding project was just that. Who knew shredding could feel so good? I realize I have arrived at my happy place. Shredding the last bits of those shared documents was a perfect way to add proper closure to that chapter of my life and continue moving forward in my best new life.

So, if you are in one of those dark phases of divorce, know that you, too, can get to the “shredding” phase with some hard work and support. As a compassionate divorce coach, I will help and guide you there. Shredding party, anyone?

Note: Check with your advisors on what’s best for your personal record retention.