Gray Divorce and The Lost and Found Community

More than one in three people who divorce in the United States are older than 50, according to research published in the Journals of Gerontology in September 2022. This is called gray divorce, and it's on the rise. Many in this age group fear it is "too late" to start over. But it's an age where we all start over to a certain degree, regardless of whether we are married or divorced.

Many of my 50 and over clients are concerned about losing their community. A long-standing community is established through marriage, kids, schools, children's activities, work, and friendships. It's a lot of years in the making, and divorcing can mean losing this community or at least part of it. Believe me, I understand. I faced this same fear during my divorce. Would I miss out as a divorcee on the things I enjoyed in my community during marriage?

Now, post-divorce and in my late 50s, the reality is so different. I didn't realize that everyone in this age group, regardless of marital status, is going through enormous changes. Empty nesters become snowbirds or buy dream houses elsewhere. Some long-time stay-at-home moms now go back to demanding careers. Folks begin to retire. Friendships shift, new hobbies emerge, travel increases, and our children are no longer the glue that holds this all together.

So, you are over 50 and already facing this significant life change AND contemplating or going through a divorce. What does this mean for you? Really, it's an opportunity. While everyone else's community is shifting and re-establishing, it's an excellent time for you to do the same. Many are starting new, and so can you. At this age, folks are more open to new friendships, different activities, and changing surroundings.

What does finding a new community look like? Start small – you don't have to try skydiving or move halfway across the globe to begin. Consider taking a class, learning a new sport or activity, joining a gym, volunteering, mastering a new language, or taking a trip with a travel group. The possibilities are endless.

For me, my community has never been stronger. It's taken a lot of time and effort, and I'm still building upon it. But it's the community I shaped precisely how I want. It's been liberating and validating.

Getting divorced doesn't mean losing your old community but discovering your place in a newly established community – where some past roots can grow and flower. You get to decide, and that's empowering and exciting. I call that empowered divorce.

Remember, this is a time when all of us 50-somethings are looking for what our next chapter will look like, regardless of whether we have a ring on our finger.